How well do you know your neighbors?

My wife and I went on a movie date last night (thanks mom & dad for watching the kids). We watched a preview for a movie called, The Lovely Bones. I haven’t seen the movie yet but it caused me to reflect about the importance of keeping kids safe from the many dangers that exist in this world. My heart and prayers always goes out to parents whose children have been the victims of kidnapping, rape and murder. It’s a pain that no parent should experience and yet we accept it as a part of living in a very fallen world.   The Lovely Bones is a good reminder for all parents on how sexual predators can endanger the safety of our children.

Let me tell you about Susie Salmon and the thousands of children her story represents.

On her way home from school on a snowy December day in 1973, 14-year-old Susie Salmon (“like the fish”) is lured into a makeshift underground den in a cornfield and brutally raped and murdered, the latest victim of a serial killer–the man she knew as her neighbor, Mr. Harvey.  Amazon.com

December 6, 1973, the day Susie Salmon was murdered.

In my popular blog post, TEN SEXUAL PREDATOR WARNING SIGNS, I talk about the importance for parents to remember that while there are some common characteristics among sexual predators, pedophilia does not discriminate by race, gender, age, class or religious affiliation.

In fact, the information on this post and other entries that have been a part of this series caused me to create a two-hour workshop on PROTECTING CHILDREN FROM SEXUAL PREDATORS.

Over the years, I’ve been asking myself some of these questions…

• How can parents, concerned with their children’s safety, avoid early sexualization by these explicitly graphic pornographic websites?
• What can parents do to safeguard their children from the free and readily available cybersex smut?
• How can parents/caregivers protect their children from sexual predators?

The result of asking those questions gave birth to this workshop. If you, your church or school group are interested in bringing me to speak to your group, then be sure to contact me either via this blog or by completing a BOOKING REQUEST FORM.

Sex offenders watch lists that you may want to visit.

Family Watch Dog
Free national US search for registered sex offenders. Map registered sex offenders to see who lives in your area.

Map Sex Offenders
Map Sex Offenders in your local area and neighborhood. Search for and find registered sexual predators in this free national registry.

Criminal Check
CriminalCheck.com is the only FREE National Sex Offender database site on the web that searches all states (and the District of Columbia) with one-click.

Sexual Offenders Registry
Search state or county sex offender databases.  This site also offers news and articles.

United States Department of Justice
The Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW), coordinated by the U.S. Department of Justice, is a cooperative effort between Jurisdictions hosting public sex offender registries (“Jurisdictions”) and the federal government.

• How do you teach your children about stranger danger?
• In what ways are you teaching your kids about how to talk to strangers or the level of trust they give someone they know and trust?

Copyright © 2009 Cesar G. Gamez, All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Cesar G. Gamez holds a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Counseling and is a doctoral student at Arizona State University. He is the founder and director of Family Insights™ and is a sought-after speaker and workshop trainer. He is also a therapist at an inpatient treatment center for anxiety and eating disorders. You can follow Cesar on Twitter.

Signs that a loved one may struggle with an eating disorder:

1. Skips meals or under-portions in comparison to others.

2. Boasts about eating healthy foods.

3. Holds rigid rituals and rules about eating (i.e. eats certain food groups in order or by color, won’t eat past a certain time, cuts foods into small pieces, counts bites, etc).

4. Verbalization of dissatisfaction with body image.

5. Calorie counts.

Did you know…?

• 1% of teenage girls and 5% of college-age women become anorexic or bulimic.
• Anorexia nervosa has the highest premature fatality rate of any mental illness (Sullivan, 1995).

6. Volunteers to cook for the family in order to have more control over the condiments that go into the food.

7. Cooks for others but does not eat what is prepared.

8. Chews food and spits before swallowing.

9. Exercises rigorously and consistently, often compensating the amount of time working out based on the type of foods or amount of foods consumed. The exercise is excessive (typically more than one hour daily) and the commitment to exercise is honored even when ill, injured or in the presence of bad weather.

10. Avoids eating in front of other people and often gives excuses such as not feeling well, not being hungry or eating earlier in the day.

Did you know…?

• 50% of 9-year-old girls and 80% of 10-year-old-girls have dieted.
• 90% of high school junior and senior girls diet regularly, even though only 10% to 15% are over the weight recommended by standard height weight charts.

11. Wears baggy clothing to hide disliked body parts or hide body shape.

12. Meals seem repetitive and hold very little variation.

13. Categorizes food as safe, good or healthy versus unsafe, bad and unhealthy.

14. Secretly hoards food.

15. Reads labels and sticks primarily to low-calorie and low-fat food items.

Because of the secretiveness and shame associated with eating disorders, many cases are probably not reported. In addition, many individuals struggle with body dissatisfaction and sub-clinical disordered eating attitudes and behaviors. For example, it has been shown that 80% of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance (Smolak, 1996).

16. Uses credit cards to buy large amounts of food items he/she considers to be forbidden or “bad” (i.e. fast food, starches, desserts and other sweets).

17. Binges (eating large amounts of food at one time).

18. Uses the bathroom immediately after meals and you notice signs of vomiting (i.e. runs the shower or hair dryer to cover vomiting sounds, excessive use of mouthwash, clogged toilets, foul smell, vomit stains, etc).

19. Consistent use of laxatives, diuretics, diet pills or weight loss products.

20. Obsesses over the media’s standards of thinness and beauty – often competing and comparing self to others.

In March 2005, NEDA contracted with Global Market Insite, Inc. (GMI), a leader in global market research, to conduct a 1,500 nationwide sample of adults in the U.S. Their findings concluded from those surveyed that four out of ten Americans either suffered or have known someone who has suffered from an eating disorder.

42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner (Collins, 1991).

If you or someone you know struggles with an eating disorder or shows some of these signs, it is advisable that you seek help by a licensed mental health professional as soon as possible.

Copyright © 2009 Cesar G. Gamez, MA., All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

References

Collins, M.E. (1991). Body figure perceptions and preferences among pre-adolescent children. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 199-208.

Smolak, L. (1996). National Eating Disorders Association/Next Door Neighbors Puppet Guide Book.

Sullivan, P. (1995). American Journal of Psychiatry, 152 (7), 1073-1074.

Credits

Thumbnail image: Untitled (4036269240) by shannooners / © All rights reserved

http://www.flickr.com/photos/shannooners

http://shannonjeanphoto.blogspot.com

Facts and Figures provided by NEDA.  For more information, please contact the National Eating Disorders Association’s Information and Referral Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 or visit the website.

Professional Resource

Remuda Ranch provides inpatient and residential programs for women, girls and boys suffering from Anorexia, Bulimia, other Eating Disorders, and related issues. For additional information on Remuda programs, please contact them at 1-800-445-1900 or on the web at http://www.remudaranch.com

In his 2004 American documentary film, Super Size Me, Morgan Spurlock embarked on the journey of taking an honest look at the obesity problem in America, pointing its finger at the unmoderated consumption of fast food as the culprit.

The saying, “you are what you eat,” reminds us of the importance of being mindful about what we put in our mouths within the context of balance, variety and moderation.  Considering the myriad of diet products and advertisements that we are constantly inundated with (promising big results if we can only stop “being bad” with food), being health conscious and vigilant about healthy eating patterns is unlikely to raise concern from our loved ones. However, in recent years, increased attention has been given to a new term to describe a fixation on healthy food and the obsessive pursuit of the perfect diet: Orthorexia.

Steven Bratman, MD, coined the term orthorexia nervosa to describe a fixation on pure or righteous eating.  Orthorexics, unlike anorexics or bulimics, are not enticed into restrictive behaviors in order to lose weight; instead, the goal is to achieve a feeling of perfection and purity.  This obsession with organic or biologically pure foods prompts rigid and restrictive eating patterns.  Foods that get categorized as unsafe, bad, or wrong, are both avoided and removed from meal plans.  If these foods are ever consumed, the person experiences guilt, shame and anger towards self. He/she is likely to self-punish for breaking their food rule and become stricter with their dietary plans.  Because these obsessions are real and hold meaning, individuals struggling with orthorexia have a difficult time enjoying social activities or family gatherings where a variety of food (unsafe food) is present.

Such people are sometimes affectionately called “healthfood junkies.” However, in some cases, orthorexia goes beyond a mere lifestyle choice. Obsession with healthy food can progress to the point where it crowds out other activities and interests, impairs relationships, and even becomes physically dangerous. When this happens, orthorexia takes on the dimensions of a true eating disorder, like anorexia nervosa or bulimia.

Source: http://orthorexia.com/Index.php?page=katef

According to Bratman’s research, orthorexia sometimes holds a spiritual component that drives this extreme healthy eating commitment.  These inner rules are often rooted in the belief that consuming organic foods will make a person cleaner, or in some ways, more righteous.  Some individuals admit feeling a sense of superiority over others and/or perceiving themselves as able to live by higher standards in obedience to God’s calling to pursue purity and perfection.  The obsessions and rigid food rules are often rationalized through overspiritualized statements such as, “I’m just a good steward of the body God gave me,” or “my body is the temple of God, so I need to take care of His temple.”  Therefore, the idea of consuming food that has been scientifically altered is experienced as an unwise and deliberate choice to mar what God created to be enjoyed in its original state.

Some of the following Biblical verses are often quoted to defend health-food obsessions:

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

I Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

I Corinthians 10:31 NIV

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

II Corinthians 4:10 NIV

For it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

I Peter 1:16 NIV

The children of Israel were given a set of strict dietary laws at Mount Sinai.  These were recorded by Moses in Leviticus chapter 11 and Deuteronomy chapter 14.  As you read through these laws, you will noticed some food items categorized as “clean” and “unclean.”  The food laws were ritualistic, and most theologians believe that one reason for giving the laws of clean and unclean meats was “holiness” (See I Peter 1:16).

It is important to note that orthorexia is not a part of the current edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV-TR) and that much controversy and debate surrounds the idea of giving it its own designation in the manual.  While those of us who specialize in the treatment of eating disorders can attest this fixation is real in some of the people we treat, there is a recognition that due to the insufficient research data that currently exists, orthorexia may not have its own diagnostic category any time soon.  What is concerning is that orthorexic symptoms appear to be increasingly common.

If you or someone you know struggles with orthorexia, an assessment by a professional mental health clinician would be highly recommended.  Whether or not orthorexia is seen as an eating disorder type, the emotional distress, obsessions and compulsions surrounding orthorexia may be an indicator of anxiety or OCD issues.

Copyright © 2009 Cesar G. Gamez, MA., All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

There seems to be some controversy about the authenticity of this picture, the existence of this toy or its availability in the U.S. but either way, what are toy manufacturers thinking when producing pole-dancing dolls for kids?

Is it really for kids?  Well, what I can say is that it looks very different than the infamous USB Pole Dancer (video) advertised as “your own personal stripper on your desktop” that you can plug in to your iPod.  What we are really looking at here is the continuation of a couple of patterns that have been in existence for quite some time: the early sexualization of children and the objectification of women.

Early Sexualization

Children, tweens and teenagers are sporting more and more “bling bling” these days.  7 year-olds wearing short t-shirts with, “flirt” written across their chest.  15 year-olds wearing shorts with the word, “tasty” written on their bottoms.

What about the music on their iPods? Take a look at this…

“So blow me bit** I don’t rock for cancer.  I rock for the cash and the topless dancers”

(Kid Rock, F*uck off,” 1998).

“Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me…

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me”

(Pussycat Dolls, 2005).

What you gon’ do with all that junk?

All that junk inside that trunk?

I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,

Get you love drunk off my hump.

What you gon’ do with all that a**?

All that a** inside them jeans?

I’m a make, make, make, make you scream

Make you scream, make you scream.

(Black Eyed Peas, 2005).

As part of a recent study of the effects of listening to popular music on sexual behavior (Martino et al.,2006), researchers coded the content of 164 songs from 16 artists popular with teens. Overall, 15% of songs contained sexually degrading lyrics. Most of these lyrics were concentrated within the work of rap and R&B artists; as many as 70% of individual artists’songs included degrading sexual content. (1)

By the way, did you happen to catch Miley Cyrus (aka Hannah Montana) at the most recent Teen Choice Awards doing her controversial pole-assisted gyrations.

Objectification of Women

Sexual objectification of women include displaying bodies in provocative and revealing clothing that emphasizes body parts, erotic facial expressions and overall sexual readiness.  In an article entitled, “Sexism on MTV: The portrayal of women in rock videos,” R.C. Vincent, Davis, and Boruskowski (1987) found that 57% of the [music] videos featured a woman portrayed exclusively as a decorative sexual object. (2)

America’s adolescent girls are in crisis. Growing up in a female body is more difficult today than ever before because girls’ bodies have changed and so has American society. Menstruation and sexual activity begin much earlier and there is also much greater emphasis on the body as a way of defining the self. source: http://www.thebodyproject.com/book.mgi

So maybe you’re okay with Beyonce’s Dereon Girls clothing line and ads depicting young girls in high heels.  That’s your prerogative as a parent. But there is something to be said about the controversy surrounding this ad and the idea of speeding up childhood by dressing up six year olds like sixteen year-olds.

According to the American Psychological Association, “The proliferation of sexualized images of girls and young women in advertising, merchandising, and media is harming girls’ self-image and healthy development.” (3)

Check out the APA Task Force Report on the Sexualization of Girls.

Copyright © 2009. Cesar G. Gamez, MA., All Rights Reserved.

References

(1) Martino,S.M.,Collins,R.L.,Elliott,M.N.,Strachman,A., Kanouse,D.E.,& Berry,S.H.(2006). Exposure to degrading and nondegrading music lyrics and sexual behavior among youth. Pediatrics, 118, 430-441.

(2) Vincent,R.C., Davis, D.K., & Boruszkowski,L.A.(1987). Sexism on MTV: The portrayal of women in rock videos. Journalism Quarterly, 64, 750-755.

(3) http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/sexualization.html

“I’ll never forget the first porno magazine I ever held in my hands when I was in middle school,” he candidly shared with the group of men who faithfully attended sessions seeking ongoing support and accountability.  During that period in my life, I co-facilitated a counseling group for men who struggled with sexual addictions and sexual misbehaviors.  Their stories were stories of hurt, confusion and frustration that were masked by the experimentation, euphoria and extensive experiences these men seemed to have lost control over.

It used to be that boys would have to go through great lengths to secure and hide their copies of playboy; unfortunately now with the click of a button pornography is readily available to all – including minors.  Back in the day, there was quite a bit of stigmatization about getting caught with a porno; today’s entertainment standards have changed and societal views have shifted in such a way that these same behaviors are often celebrated, normalized or minimized with blasé phrases such as “boys will be boys.”

How can parents, concerned with their children’s safety, avoid early sexualization by these explicitly graphic pornographic websites?  What can parents do to safeguard their children from the free and readily available cybersex smut?  Let’s explore five simple steps today’s parents can make towards protecting their children from internet porn.

1. Talk About It.
This first step may be difficult for parents, especially for those who grew up in households where the topic of sexuality was avoided, ignored, shamed or kept at surface levels.  The truth is that one of the best ways to start protecting your children is to break the silence barrier and engage in an age appropriate discussion regarding your values, standards and the reasons for your established boundaries.  Children need to know in age appropriate language that the internet is a tool that can be used in both constructive and destructive ways.

2. Model Healthy Standards.
Children have a way of spotting inconsistencies and hypocrisy.  “Do as I say, not as I do,” is likely to backfire.  Children need to see that even healthy adults establish appropriate boundaries for themselves.

3. Place the Computer in an Open Area
One step towards prevention involves strategic CPU placement.  When I teach my workshop “UNSPOKEN,” I always encourage parents to park their family’s CPU in a central location.  When children & teenagers are allowed to have internet access behind closed doors, parents limit their own ability to monitor and provide accountability if needed.

4. Teach Them How to Respond
Children and teenagers need to know how to respond immediately after being propositioned to engage in questionable online activities such as link sharing containing pornographic content, viewing pornographic webcams, cybersex chatting or even invitations to meet in person.  Your children need to know that online predators and scammers may not be overtly creepy but rather funny, warm and inviting conversationalists that may attempt to get personal information such as your child’s name, address, school name and information on his/her extracurricular activities.  When this happens, children need to know what plan your family has established to handle such intrusions.

5. Install Online Filters & Activate Parental Controls
Most computers and internet service providers today offer the ability to activate parental controls that can help safeguard your family.  However, I would also suggest that families consider installing internet filter software as an additional precaution.

Copyright © 2009. Cesar G. Gamez, All Rights Reserved.