Family Insights Blog

Food & Sex: What the Media is Training Us to Mix

Cesar Gamez — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 11:53:00 +0000

Notice these ads and the message behind those ads. Advertisers are looking to evoke an emotional reaction to food. Marketers are aware that by arousing our emotions, we are more likely to make a less logical and more impulsive decision when it comes to their brand. Emotions connect us. Emotion can lead to a loyal relationship with a particular brand or product. By the way, in case you’re wondering, the ad above is advertising a well-known restaurant, Hooters. I think they sell food there…

It doesn’t matter what you see. What’s important is the product. Schneider uses a hand reaching for some type of object. Is it a cold glass with foam? A brown plate and a beer mug? A breast? ”Don’t worry about it,” Schneider says, “just focus on the 1/4 portion of the ad that showcases our beer.”

Arby’s finds a way to tease our tastebuds with two voluptuous burgers that can’t even fit in our hands.

Rolling Stone magazine reminds us that if you are going to eat a double scoop ice-cream cone, then you may want to get some help.

M&M Premiums can make their candy look sexy.

Carl’s Jr. is irresistible. Notice the passionate look on the woman’s face. It’s as if she’s about to kiss the burger.

Need I say more?

The objectification of women can easily been seen in many ads including this one. Semi-nude bodies are often used to sell a product – any product – including nuts and raisins.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Cesar G. Gamez holds a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Counseling and is a doctoral student at Arizona State University. He is the founder and director of Family Insights™ and is a sought-after speaker and workshop trainer. He is also a therapist at an inpatient treatment center for anxiety and eating disorders. You can follow Cesar on Twitter.

Do You Eat For Comfort?

Cesar Gamez — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 01:30:25 +0000

Food is a powerful thing. It can help us deal with stress, sadness or loneliness. Food can connect us with others or in the same way isolate us in a room full of people. The way we eat can categorize us as healthy eaters, dieters, vegans, normal or junk food lovers. The truth is that few of us have grown with healthy role models of intuitive eating. As a result, many of us have come to accept that food belongs in two distinct categories: healthy and unhealthy (or good and bad!). Unknowingly, we pass down this attitude to our children. We reward them with treats such as doughnuts, chocolate, candy and ice cream for being good. Yet they often witness us talk about how “bad” we were for having two scoops of ice-cream or eating a whole slice of cake. At some point, we attach meaning to calories – and it’s not a good meaning.

Many of us grew up in homes where those forbidden foods were okay as long as you experienced a bad break-up, had a sleep-over or were on vacation. One of the problems with this mentality is that by restricting some of these foods, we don’t develop a healthy relationship with them. So sometimes we over-indulge as we use (or abuse) food to self-soothe.

A few months ago, I came across a wonderful resource: 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food. In the book, Susan Albers, PsyD. gives a several examples of the ways people sometimes self-soothe with food. Here are a few examples:

- Eating puts you in a trancelike state or numbs you out.

- Chewing and munching on something feel good.

- Searching for something to eat, but not being able to find something satisfying.

- Eating as a way to relax.

- Eating immediately after a stressful event or when you are nervous.

- Eating when bored.

- Seeking a particular kind of food like, chocolate, because it seems to change your mood.

- Tending to overeat at important or stressful events like family reunions or business meetings.

- Eating leads to guilt when you do it for soothing rather than to stop physical hunger.

31 Days to Better Journaling

Cesar Gamez — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 03:50:11 +0000

I am in the process of finishing my first eBook, 31 Ways to Improve Your Journaling in 31 Days. Unfortunately, due to my midterms, the project has had to take a back seat and I anticipate it will be ready within the next month or so. I love the idea of getting my doctorate, but the process has been…exhausting.

As a counselor, I often ask that my patients journal after our sessions. Journaling one’s thoughts and feelings help a person maximize the time invested in treatment by continuing the soul searching process from my office to their personal journal. However, over the past several months, I have noticed that many people struggle with the journaling process. Some say, “I just don’t know where to start,” or “I have no idea what I would talk about in my journal.” Sometimes people confuse a therapeutic journal entry with a diary entry and yet the two are vastly different and will produce different results.

Here are a three simple journaling ideas that can help spark a renewed interest in journaling.

Tip #1
Discover your preferred method of journaling: a computer screen or a paper pad?

There are several online companies that provide journaling services for people that prefer to jot down their thoughts and feelings online. Websites like MyTherapyJournal.com or Penzu, offer users the ability to journal anytime, anywhere as long as they have access to a computer and internet connection.

Penzu is a free online diary and personal journal that combines privacy and ease of use to make writing online as simple and intuitive as writing on a pad of paper. See more >

Personally, there is something therapeutic about using a piece of paper and a pen. I love going to Barnes & Noble or Borders and browse through their journals. Whether you choose leather, recycled paper, white pages or a basic yellow pad, choose a journal that feels easy on the eyes and evokes enough excitement about handling it.

Tip #2
When feeling stuck, start with a question.

Sometimes in life, the thing that makes a difference and causes change is not in getting the right answers, but rather in asking the right questions. If you sense that you have too much to say but are having difficulty getting started, rather than starting with a random sentence, try starting with a question. Try these…

· If my tears had a voice, what would they be saying?
· What do I wish people knew about the way I’m feeling right now?
· What (hurts the most, puzzles me most, angers me most, etc) about this situation is that…
· When was the last time I felt like this? or The last time I felt like this was when…
· What does this say about me? my family? my relationships?
· What am I willing to do about my situation?

Tip #3
Be willing to journal “outside the box”

Journaling doesn’t always have to be in words. Sometimes it can be in pictures, markers, collage images and glue. Learn the beauty of mixing it up. Draw your feelings. Put your emotion on a canvas. Focus your energy on finding images that evoke feelings, ideas and passion within you and construct a collage that gives ordinary cardboard paper a voice!

So how do you journal?
What have you found helpful in your journaling?
Do you prefer to journal using pen and paper or on your computer? Why?

Disclaimer: The names and identifying characteristics of the people discussed in this blog entry have been significantly changed to protect their privacy.

How To Regulate Your Emotions

Relationship Myth: If it looks good on the outside, then it must be great on the inside!

Cesar Gamez — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 07:40:18 +0000

Relationship Myth #1
If it looks good on the outside, then it must be great on the inside!
“She’s just let herself go,” said Mike during their first counseling session after the affair. Mike and Rhonda (not their real names) had been married for seven years, had three children together and it was quickly apparent that his wife’s weight gain had become a deal breaker for him. “It’s almost like she doesn’t even try anymore,” continued Mike as Rhonda sat next to him looking numb but with eyes that spoke volumes about her devastation and soul pain.

As the couple sat in the counseling office, Rhonda began to share how just a few months prior their session, Mike had been involved with a much younger and slender woman from his work. She was a woman in her mid-twenties with a carefree outlook on life and with little commitments or responsibilities that would tie her down to any type of routine. “Life was anything but mundane with her,” said Mike as he also admitted how short-lived his fantasy stayed alive. Their age, values and priorities created the rift that busted his bubble. Mike was so seduced by the external package that he wasn’t prepared to be disappointed when he opened it and saw the real woman inside.

The following sessions were intense as the couple worked hard on restoring the shattered pieces left while trusting God in bringing healing to the wounds that were created along the way. Mike and Rhonda were able to grab a hold of an important relationship truth: The grass may be greener on the other side, but happy and committed gardeners never notice.

In her book, Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages, Dr. Robin Smith shares this advice, “If you are not marrying the soul of your partner, there will be nothing to hold you together when the façade becomes less appealing.” Because the truth about life is that people change, skin sags, bodies deteriorate and hair thins out. The unpredictability of life has a toll on our bodies when facing sickness, hardships and life altering events. None of us can outrun aging and the transformation it brings.

Mutual attraction is fundamental to a healthy relationship. By no means am I suggesting that people who dress their best, put on make-up and pamper themselves at the spa are shallow. In fact, I believe it’s important for both partners to invest in healthy and appropriate self-care practices. But when couples base their romantic thermometer on external factors without building an attachment to the soul – there is great danger ahead.

What Do/Did You Look For In a Mate?

Disclaimer: The names and identifying characteristics of the people discussed in this blog entry have been significantly changed to protect their privacy.

10 Things You Never Say to Your Spouse While Fighting

Cesar Gamez — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 03:36:54 +0000

I have a 50 minute commute to and from work each day. For the past several months I have been carpooling with a couple of co-workers. Our car rides tend to be interesting, enjoyable and educational. We get to talk about life, eating disorders, Axis II issues, faith and a variety of useless topics (i.e. “do you ever fart on your spouse?”). Today, I asked their views regarding marital communication. We came up with a list of things you should never say to your spouse while fighting.

10 Things You Never Say to Your Spouse While Fighting

You are just like your mother!

What do you do all day anyway?

The kids love me more.

I make more money than you.

How many times do I have to tell you…

I’ve already told you…

Pull my finger.

We married too young/too soon.

Shut up!

Silence (sometimes saying nothing is more painful than saying anything else).