Cheaters: Forms of Infidelity

While I was at lunch with some friends this week, the Tiger Woods scandal came up during our conversation. Everybody at the table had their own views, thoughts, opinions and reactions to yet another wealthy, powerful, well-known public figure admitting to having an extramarital affair.  LA Lakers’ superstar Kobe Bryant, former President Bill Clinton, David Letterman and former Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards are just a few names in a growing line of celebrities/politicians who have had their affairs exposed publicly.

But why do people have affairs? What type of person has affairs? What are the various forms of infidelity? What are some of the most common signs of infidelity?  Most importantly, how does one recover after infidelity and what steps can be taken in order to affair proof your relationship?  These are some of the questions I would like to address in upcoming blog posts.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

Noel Biderman, President of The Ashley Madison Agency®, which caters to men and women who are currently in relationships but are looking for more, boasts that over two and a half million have joined their site.  The dating service even comes with an affair guarantee program.  Their slogan is simple: LIFE IS SHORT, HAVE AN AFFAIR.™

Infidelity statistics

- 22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.

- 14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.

- Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.

- 70 percent of  married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses’ extramarital activity.

- 22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past.

- 90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.

- 50 percent of Americans say President Clinton’s adultery makes his moral standard “about the same as the average married man,” according to a Time-CNN poll.

- 61 percent of Americans thought adultery should not be a crime in the United states; 35 percent thought it should; 4 percent had no opinion.

- 17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.

Source: Associated Press

FORMS OF INFIDELITY

Infidelity can take on several different forms including emotional, sequential affairs, discrete events or serious extramarital relationships.

Emotional Infidelity

Affairs can have an element of emotional intensity and involvement without a sexual relationship.  Some people call it an “office romance” where intentional flirting blurs the line between behavior that is deemed appropriate and inappropriate.  Emotional infidelity has an element of self-investment that promotes closeness and the euphoric notion of forbidden specialness.

Sequential Affairs

Some people have a series of one-night stands or a series of short-term affairs.  Due to the low level of emotional investment that often accompany these disposable encounters, the behavior is often rationalized as harmless.  As a result, a pattern of infidelity can develop and last for several years before it is discovered.

Discrete Events

These types of affairs share some things in common with sequential affairs; however, the affair tends to be triggered by a life change and external circumstances (i.e. going to prison, serving in the military, etc).  Discrete event affairs are often seen with people who travel often to the same cities.  Some people report forming new relationships long distance with the understanding that the affair is limited to the event (i.e. traveling business man developing a relationship in a city where his business takes him several times a year).

Serious Extramarital Relationships

These affairs tend to be quite involved, romantic and sexual.  Many times short-term affairs last longer and evolve into serious extramarital relationships that may last for years.  These relationships tend to be emotionally involved and therefore its intimacy transcends the physical and sexual allure.  Because these types of affairs are often meeting multiple needs on multiple levels; they tend to be the most difficult to end for some people.

Next series post: Why Affairs Happen?

Copyright © 2009 Cesar G. Gamez, All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

How To Affair Proof Your Marriage Workshop

According to Peggy Vaughan, the author of “The Monogamy Myth,” 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage!  The concept of monogamy and marital fidelity to the original vows are ideals embraced by a growing minority.  In the How To Affair Proof your Marriage Workshop, Cesar will address why affairs happen, common signs of infidelity, common reactions to infidelity, ways to being the healing process after infidelity and specific ways to affair proof your marriage.

For additional booking information, please contact our office.

Related posts:

1. Cheaters: Why Affairs Happen
2. Cheaters: Do You Know The Signs of Infidelity?
3. Emotional Silence Can Ruin Your Relationship
4. How to Talk to Your Husband (or wife)
5. How To Regulate Your Emotions