Cheaters: Do You Know The Signs of Infidelity?
After much soul searching, Tiger Woods announced an indefinite break from professional golf. This decision came after his public infidelity admission. Tiger Woods said he was “deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children.”
Why Did Tiger Cheat? I’ve written a previous post about the real truth behind the Tiger Woods scandal; yet the real question that this series of blog posts is trying to address is, what causes people to step into infidelity? We all have heard of politicians, public figures and even pastors who are struggling keeping their original vows. Some of us care. Others of us are simply curious. Affairs tend to cause the same reaction in people as a bad car accident on the side of the road. Traffic slows down, we take a quick look at the damage and we drive away feeling thankful it wasn’t us or someone we know. But what about the times that it actually happens to us or someone we care about? What causes people to fall asleep at the wheel of their relationships that the signs of infidelity get missed?
Picture: Triple bogey: (left to right) alleged mistress Jaimee Grubbs, Tiger Woods, Elin Nordegren
Photos (left to right) by: Newscom, Dean Kirkland/PR Photos, AFP PHOTOS/Jeff Haynes/Newscom
In her article, “Why Do Men Marry High But Cheat Low?” Susan Toepfer says: That’s the thing about the madonna/whore dichotomy: Some men may think it’s just common sense to have one kind of woman as a wife and another as a sex partner (never mind that this insults your wife and trivializes her own sexuality–if Tiger wants to confess to “personal sins,” put that one at the top of the list)…but when your mistress is so obviously on the make, even a superstar is just one guy in a whole line of bidders.
Would You Know If He/She Is Cheating?
The following behavioral signs may indicate that your partner may be unfaithful; however no one item by itself is an indicator of infidelity. Keep in mind that these signs apply to both men and women.
In my workshop, How to Affair Proof Your Marriage, I discuss over thirty signs that people typically notice before discovering their partner is having an affair. However, for the sake of this blog post, I will only be discussing seven of these critical signs.
1. You have a gut feeling that something is wrong
If you are involved in a serious relationship, then remind yourself that you probably know your partner better than anybody else. These nagging feelings may not be a fabrication of your imagination. Rather, your intuition may be alerting you that there are some shifts and changes in your current relationship that you need to notice and talk about.
2. Sudden behavioral changes
Is he all of a sudden interested in getting botox to get rid of frown lines? Has your spouse recently started upgrading or changing the style of personal undergarments and paying more attention to her image (i.e. coloring her hair, new cologne, new jewelry, new car)?
3. Sexual changes
He/she wants more or less. If the changes are not the byproduct of mutual agreement or the result of open communication regarding the frequency of your sex life, then this sudden interest or disinterest may be an indicator of infidelity (of course, assuming there are no medical or psychological issues that would explain the sudden changes).
4. More time at the gym
A lot of people make New Year’s resolutions to lose some pounds. Seasonally speaking, if your partner increases his/her workout time at the gym around the holidays – don’t freak out. However, a person who is active in developing extramarital relationships is likely to have a greater interest in developing a better image.
by Kiss the Bride | Flickr Images
5. Car seat is moved
Is the position of the passenger car seat moved? If so, why? Don’t freak out just because you find a strand of hair in his car but don’t ignore it either.
6. Vague answers
Vague answers, incongruent statements and inconsistent patterns may be a signal that something may be wrong in the relationship. While people lie for many reasons, the two most common reasons are to avoid consequences and to avoid causing pain to themselves or others. People who are on the prowl often give vague answers about where they’re going or where they’ve been. By the way, if you haven’t watched the TV series, “Lie to Me” – I recommend it. It’s entertaining and you’re likely to learn something about lying patterns and body language communication (just keep in mind there is an element of fiction involved in the TV series).
by Angelica Nicole | Flickr Images
7. Snubbed at the company party
It’s possible people at her job know about the affair so they may feel uncomfortable around you – especially if she’s said negative things about you to her coworkers in order to get sympathy votes. Elizabeth Landers, co-author of The Script: The 100% Absolutely Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat adds, “His colleagues either know about the affair and figure you are on the way out, so why be nice? Or your partner has been making critical comments about you so they think you are no good.”
Rather than turning the other cheek and pretending these signs (and others) aren’t there, I would encourage you to speak up and put your concerns on the table. You may find out that your intuition is either right on or way off. Either way, you’ll open lines of communication about trust and what will enable the two of you to creating an environment of safety in your relationship.
Copyright © 2009 Cesar G. Gamez, All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Video
Will Ferrel as Tiger Woods
How To Affair Proof Your Marriage Workshop // Now booking for 2010.
According to Peggy Vaughan, the author of “The Monogamy Myth,” 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage! The concept of monogamy and marital fidelity to the original vows are ideals embraced by a growing minority. In the How To Affair Proof your Marriage Workshop, Cesar will address why affairs happen, common signs of infidelity, common reactions to infidelity, ways to being the healing process after infidelity and specific ways to affair proof your marriage.
For additional booking information, please contact our office.
What Do You Think?
Give us your feedback on this post or on Twitter @cesargamez
1) What other signs would you add to this list?
2) If you noticed some of these signs, would you have the courage to say something to your partner?
3) What causes people to miss some of these signs?
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After the sexual issue recently, Woods remains my idol. It’s a real pleasure to see Tiger play again.