The end of summer is quickly approaching, and preparations for a new school year are underway.  While some children experience excitement about seeing old friends, going to a new classroom and having a new teacher, other children experience fear and anxiety about those same changes.

Over the years, I have studied how some families prepare their children in such positive and proactive ways that their efforts result in happier and more self-confident children.  Their intentionality has been both inspirational and contagious, so much so, that, as my own daughter begins her own academic journey this Fall, my wife and I have started implementing these important steps that I believe can ease a child’s concern and anxiety about going back to school.

1. Talk about school positively.
Parents are very influential.  It’s important that your child hears you talk positively about the idea of returning to school.  Highlight the positive outcomes of the upcoming changes such as new friendships, having a new teacher and new learning experiences and opportunities.  Let your child hear and sense in your voice that education is something that you value.

2. Do learning projects together.
For some children, summertime is an opportunity to take advantage of experiential learning, such as going to camp; for others, it’s an opportunity to sharpen athletic abilities.  As a result, your child may be out of the habit of challenging her discipline and academic skills like she does in the classroom.  A few weeks prior to the start of school, consider completing learning projects together that will challenge her mind, such as simple writing assignments regarding what she enjoyed about her summer, a favorite memory and even hand-written letters to friends she met at camp.  Other activities may include art projects, scrapbooking, completing a puzzle, learning a new vocabulary word together and doing simple math assignments.

3. Get into a routine before school starts.
Waiting to get your child in the habit of going to bed the night before school starts is almost a recipe for disaster.  Start these necessary school habits a few weeks prior to the beginning of the new school year in order to get yourself and your family adjusted to the new schedule.  Doing so is likely to minimize tension, anxiety and frustration during the first few weeks of school which is also likely to have positive implications on your child’s ability to focus, concentrate and thrive in the midst of change.

4. Involve your child in back-to-school responsibilities.
Just like you want to be intentional about talking positively regarding the new school year, you also want to make this transition as much fun as possible.  You can accomplish this by involving your child in the multiple back-to-school responsibilities such as shopping for school materials, selecting new clothes and giving her the freedom to pick her outfits for the first week of school.  Even if your child attends a school with a strict dress code, there are typically many creative ways for your child to personalize her look (i.e. colored shoelaces).  Check with your school before making any assumptions.

5. Listen & validate your child’s emotions.
Your child is likely to fall under three categories: He will either be excited about going back to school, have mixed feelings or experience higher than normal levels of anxiety.  It is your job to find out where he is so that you know how to help him.  You can do so by listening to his concerns and validating his emotions through safe means like reading a child’s guide to anxiety book (refer to the resources at the bottom of the page).  Reading a children’s anxiety book together will go a long way toward normalizing their experience.

Do your best to avoid the common conversation pitfalls:

• Aggressively questioning, “Why don’t you want to go back to school? What’s wrong? Tell me.”
• Giving reasons, “You have a lot of friends there. What’s the matter?”
• Giving advice, “Just do it. You did it last year and you got through it. Be yourself.”
• Minimizing, “You’re afraid now, but you’ll be okay after your first week, and your fear will go away.”

Instead, listen. Invite your child to express her feelings, and give a strong dose of empathy in the process.  You could open the dialogue by doing one of the following:

• Ask open-ended questions: “What about going back to school makes you feel anxious?”
• Validate feelings: “You are feeling pretty anxious about returning to school.”
• Invite your child to talk about her concerns in a safe home environment: “It sounds like you are concerned about returning to school. Help me understand what about going to school feels scary to you?”  Depending on the age of your child, invite her to problem-solve by asking her, “How can I support you during this difficult time?” or “What do I typically do or say that feels like support to you?”

6. Create an Affirmation system.
An affirmation system is a way for you to stay present and connected with your child even when you are not physically around to say, “You are safe. I love you.”  The affirmation system is fast and simple to implement.  Your system may include an “I love you” post-it note in her lunch box, a small family picture she can easily pull out from her backpack when feeling lonely, an electronic pen with a recorded voice message or an index card with a simple positive affirmation.

7. Keep balance in the home.
As much as possible, do your best to keep normalcy in the home by creating predictable routines such as eating dinner together, establishing a consistent bedtime and picking up your child on time.  Faith plays a significant role in many families, and it can be a “constant” in the home in the midst of change and perceived chaos. Some families pray together, attend a midweek service or read Scripture before bedtime.  Try to keep healthy patterns in your home as much as possible during the beginning of the school year.

Bonus: Host a back-to-school party
Consider hosting a back-to-school party within the first two or three weeks into the school year.  Doing so will give you an opportunity to socialize with other parents and get to know your child’s friends.  For some great party ideas, visit the Oriental Trading Company, Party America or PartyPro.

Copyright © 2009. Cesar G. Gamez, All Rights Reserved.

by Cesar G. Gamez, MA

According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, approximately 2.2 million American adults experience uncontrollable thoughts, behaviors and rituals associated with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).  These individuals often times suffer silently fearing stigmatization, judgment, criticism and even invalidation regarding the severity of their struggles.

Those suffering from OCD experience unwanted and intrusive thoughts (obsessions), which may cause them to repeatedly perform ritualistic behaviors and routines (compulsions) to ease their anxiety or distress. Some people spend hours at a time performing complicated rituals involving hand washing, counting or checking to ward off persistent, unwelcome thoughts, feelings or images. Others live in terror that they will accidently do something wrong, such as harm someone, blurt out an improper statement, become contaminated or sick, or throw something out by mistake.

Source: Anxiety Disorders Association of America, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Handbook:
A Guide to Breaking Free From OCD, p. 3

According to the DSM-IV TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), OCD’s features involve intrusive and recurrent obsessions or compulsions that are time consuming (i.e. typically more than 1 hour a day), are also seen as excessive or unreasonable and cause significant impairment or marked distress.

Examples of common obsessive thoughts…

• “If I touch public door knobs, I’ll get contaminated by germs.”
• “I must avoid public bathrooms because I might get AIDS.”
• “If I don’t wear sunscreen when I go out every time, I’ll get skin cancer.”
• “I need to check all the doors to make sure they’re locked, look under the bed and check every closet before going to bed.”

Examples of common compulsions include excessive hand washing, praying, counting, avoiding stepping on cracks, repeating words silently, cleaning, ordering and even Scripture memorization or excessive Bible reading. An important factor to remember regarding compulsions is that the goal of engaging in these behaviors is to prevent or reduce anxiety.

Three Ways To Help Someone Who Struggles With OCD.

Be Sensitive When Approaching the Subject
Those who suffer from OCD often feel embarrassed and fear the judgment that may come from being vulnerable with somebody about their struggles. These obsessions and compulsions are real to the individual and although on some level there may be a recognition of the irrationality of their behaviors, they provide a way to cope. So while harmful and ineffective, these compulsions provide your loved one a sense of peace, relief, safety and control.

Assess if the purpose of these actions is to alleviate anxiety.

• Does he repeatedly wash his hands to the point of having dry, raw skin?
• Does she spend hours cleaning (i.e. vacuuming multiple times a day, organizing drawers, closets or the kitchen pantry in neat rows)?
• Does he check and recheck all the locks, electric plugs or the stove to make sure it’s turned off?
• Does she admit to counting, recounting, repeating words or phrases to herself?
• Does he hoard useless items like bottle caps, newspapers, furniture, old clothing, home accents?
• Does she feel she must continue doing the compulsions until it “feels right” or does she fear that if she were to skip a ritual or do it wrong that something “bad” might happen?

Talk to a licensed therapist.
Identify the licensed professionals in your area who are experienced in OCD treatment and management. These individuals should be able to provide cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and/or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). You can find a therapist on ADAA’s website (www.adaa.org) for local recommendations or AACC’s website (www.aacc.net) for Christian counselors with such training and background.

If you have not seen A&E’s series, Obsessed, I also suggest checking it out!

Copyright © 2009, Cesar G. Gamez, All Rights Reserved

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